Classifieds
. . . actually taken from recent classified ads in
newspapers:
FREE PUPPIES:
1/2 COCKER SPANIEL -
1/2 SNEAKY NEIGHBOR'S DOG
FREE YORKSHIRE TERRIER.
8 YEARS OLD. UNPLEASANT LITTLE DOG.
1 MAN, 7 WOMAN HOT TUB -- $850/offer
AMANA WASHER $100.
OWNED BY CLEAN BACHELOR WHO SELDOM WASHED.
SNOW BLOWER FOR SALE...
ONLY USED ON SNOWY DAYS.
FREE PUPPIES...PART GERMAN SHEPHERD -
PART STUPID DOG
2 WIRE MESH BUTCHERING GLOVES:
1 5-finger, 1 3-finger, PAIR: $15
TICKLE ME ELMO, STILL IN BOX, COMES WITH ITS OWN 1988 MUSTANG,
5Litre, AUTO,
EXCELLENT CONDITION $6800
COWS, CALVES NEVER BRED...
ALSO 1 GAY BULL FOR SALE.
83 TOYOTA HUNCHBACK -- $2000
STAR WARS JOB OF THE HUT -- $15
SOFT & GENITAL BATH TISSUES OR FACIAL TISSUE 89 cents
GERMAN SHEPHERD 85 lbs.
NEUTERED. SPEAKS GERMAN. FREE.
FULL SIZED MATTRESS.
20 YR. WARRANTY.
LIKE NEW. SLIGHT URINE SMELL.
FREE 1 CAN OF PORK & BEANS
WITH PURCHASE OF 3 BR 2 BATH HOME.
FOR SALE:
LEE MAJORS (6 MILLION DOLLAR MAN) -- $50
NORDIC TRACK $300
HARDLY USED CALL CHUBBIE
BILL'S SEPTIC CLEANING
"WE HAUL AMERICAN MADE PRODUCTS"
SHAKESPEARE'S PIZZA - FREE CHOPSTICKS
FOUND: DIRTY WHITE DOG.
LOOKS LIKE A RAT...
BEEN OUT AWHILE.
BETTER BE REWARD.
HUMMELS - LARGEST SELECTION EVER
"IF IT'S IN STOCK, WE HAVE IT!"
GET A LITTLE JOHN:
THE TRAVELING URINAL
HOLDS 2 1/2 BOTTLES OF BEER.
HARRISBURG POSTAL EMPLOYEES GUN CLUB
GEORGIA PEACHES CALIFORNIA GROWN - 89 cents lb.
NICE PARACHUTE:
NEVER OPENED - USED ONCE
SLIGHTLY STAINED
FREE: FARM KITTENS. READY TO EAT.
AMERICAN FLAG 60 STARS - POLE INCLUDED $100
TIRED OF WORKING FOR ONLY $9.75 PER HOUR? WE OFFER PROFIT
SHARING AND
FLEXIBLE HOURS.
STARTING PAY: $7 -- $9 PER HOUR.
EXERCISE EQUIPMENT:
QUEEN SIZE MATTRESS & BOX SPRINGS -$175.
OUR SOFA SEATS THE WHOLE MOB
AND IT'S MADE OF 100% ITALIAN LEATHER.
JOINING NUDIST COLONY!
MUST SELL WASHER & DRYER
300.
LAWYER SAYS CLIENT IS NOT THAT GUILTY.
ALZHEIMER'S CENTER PREPARES
FOR AN AFFAIR TO REMEMBER
GROUND BEAST: 99 cents lb.
GAS CLOUD CLEARS OUT TACO BELL.
OPEN HOUSE
BODY SHAPERS TONING SALON
FREE COFFEE & DONUTS
KELLOGG'S POT TARTS - $1.99 box
FULLY COOKED BONELESS SMOKED MAN - $2.09 lb.
FOR SALE BY OWNER
Complete set of Encyclopedia Britannica. 45 volumes. Excellent
condition. $1,000.00 or best offer. No longer needed. Got married
last
weekend. Wife knows everything.
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