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The Good Old Days
of Hollywood Squares
These are from the days when game show responses
were spontaneous and not scripted like they are now.
Q: If you're going to make a parachute jump, you
should be at least how high?
A: Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking
should do it.
Q: True or false...a pea can last as long as 5,000
years.
A: George Gobel: Boy it sure seems that way
sometimes.
Q: You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are
you probably a man or a woman?
A: Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me
awake.
Q: According to Cosmo, if you meet a stranger at
a party and you think he's really attractive, is it
okay to come out directly and ask him if he's married?
A: Rose Marie: No, wait until morning.
Q: Which of your five senses tends to diminish as
you get older?
A: Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q: In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words
to say "I love you"?
A: Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a
pineapple and a twenty.
Q: What are "Do It," "I Can Help" and "Can't Get
Enough"?
A: George Gobel: I don't know but it's coming from
the next apartment.
Q: As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more
or less with your hands while you are talking?
A: Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing older
question, Peter...and I'll give you a gesture
you'll never forget!
Q: Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A: Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q: Charley, you've just decided to grow
strawberries. Are you going to get any during your first year?
A: Charley Weaver: Of course not, Peter. I'm too
busy growing strawberries!
Q: In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A: Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q: It is considered in bad taste to discuss two
subjects at nudist camps. One is politics. What is the
other?
A: Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q: During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom
or in the closet?
A: Rose Marie: Unfortunately, Peter, I'm always
safe in the bedroom.
Q: Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A: Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q: When you pat a dog on its head he will usually
wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A: Paul Lynde: Make him bark.
Q: If you were pregnant for two years, what would
you give birth to?
A: Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be
afraid of the dark.
Q: According to Ann Landers, is there anything
wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot
of people?
A: Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army!
Q: Is it possible for the puppies in a litter to
have more than one daddy?
A: Paul Lynde: Why, that bit*h!
Q: While visiting China, your tour guide starts
shouting "Poo! Poo! Poo!" What does that mean?
A: George Goebel: Cattle crossing.
Q: It is the most abused and neglected part of
your body-what is it?
A: Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused but it certainly
isn't neglected!
Q: Charley, what do you call a pig that weighs
more than 150 pounds?
A: Charley Weaver: A divorcee.
Q: Back in the old days, when Great-Grandpa put
horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A: George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q: Dennis Weaver, Debbie Reynolds, and Shelley
Winters star in the movie "What's The Matter With
Helen?" Who plays Helen?
A: Charley Weaver: Dennis Weaver - that's why they
asked the question.
Q: Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time,
your wife or your elephant?
A: Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q: When a couple have a baby, who is responsible
for its sex?
A: Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car. The rest
is up to him.
Q: James Stewart did it over twenty years ago when
he was forty-one years old. Now he says it was
"one of the best things he ever did." What was it?
A: Marty Allen: Rhonda Fleming.
Q: Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly
believes in them and has actually seen them on
at least two occasions. What are they?
A: Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q: Do female frogs croak?
A: Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q: Imagine you are a child in your mother's womb,
can you detect light?
A: Paul Lynde: Only during ballet practice.
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